Gen Zen: My husband spends a lot of time 'rotting' in bed, even when he is not sleeping. Should I be worried?

Source: TODAY

SINGAPORE -- It's 1.30pm on a Saturday. Right after finishing lunch, my husband tells me: "Okay, it's time to go back to bed."

And he is not kidding. He languidly grabs his phone and walks back to our bedroom, where I know he will stay in bed for the next hour or two.

This happens almost every weekend.

Before getting married, I used to nag at him, saying he should not lie down so soon after eating. But I've since given up the fight, especially since I can see how much he enjoys this simple, though indolent, pastime.

And I know he is far from alone. While lazing in bed is obviously not a new trend, the activity has become something of a trending topic on social media and even given a new name by Gen Zers: "Bed rotting".

It simply refers to spending a lot of time in bed, either napping or engaging in passive activities such as watching TV and scrolling through devices.

Those who advocate for it say bed rotting is a form of self-care for those feeling burnt out from work, school, or social obligations.

I can see that applies to my husband: He hustles hard and excels at his job as a banker, which is probably why he feels physically and mentally exhausted at the end of each day and week.

Still, understandable though it may be, I can't help but worry that my husband's bed rotting habit may be adding up to some health risks in the long term.

Dr Annabelle Chow, a psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, said economic factors such as low job-to-job mobility and a rise in layoffs that have emerged since the pandemic may have exacerbated feelings of stagnation and uncertainty among young workers, leading to the increased popularity of bed rotting.

High incidences of stress and burnout among the young have also fuelled a strong desire to prioritise self-care, she noted.

"When overwhelmed with responsibilities, individuals may lack motivation and prefer to stay in bed, (as it provides) quiet time away from the world to withdraw and a safe space to process emotions," she said.

Ms Sophia Goh, principal counsellor at Sofia Wellness Clinic, agreed, saying bed rotting is likely a reaction to the "relentless pressure" faced in Singapore's achievement-driven society.

"This relentless pressure to be productive can be exhausting, leading to feelings of burnout. 'Bed rotting' is the act of giving yourself permission to be intentionally unproductive, which can be extremely liberating for those experiencing such pressure," she said.

And so, bed rotting, as negative as the term may sound, does have its benefits.

However, Ms Goh said that spending longer than a weekend bed rotting would be concerning.

"Bed rotting in itself does not impact social relationships and work, but if one starts neglecting social relationships, work and other responsibilities in favour of bed rotting, such as skipping social events without any explanations, not being responsive to texts, or even missing work deadlines, then that would be when it starts to have a negative impact on our life."

Likewise, another psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, Ms Haanusia Prithivi Raj recommends bed rotting -- but only in small doses, meaning up to two or three days in a week.

Doing it more than three days a week can be detrimental "very quickly", she said.

Bed rot too much and some health concerns may crop up, such as a reduction in energy, mood and social communication, which can all lead to increased inertia and a general reluctance to partake in any activities outside of bed.

"This also leads to a reduction in the production of helpful chemicals, such as dopamine and serotonin, which usually come from engaging in meaningful activities with people and outside the home," she said.

Ms Haanusia said too much bed rotting could also lead to sleeping difficulties and promote depressive symptoms.

"Staying in bed for a prolonged time will not only make it harder to mobilise ourselves to resume work or build meaningful social connections, but also may contribute to the development of unhealthy habits that can be addictive as well.

"If someone has been consuming a lot of alcohol in bed, or eating unhealthy food, it can very quickly spiral out of control to an unhealthy level," she said.

I was definitely worried when I heard about the risks of prolonged and excessive bed rotting, so naturally I asked how I could help my husband move away from the habit.

To be fair, his tendency to bed rot is still manageable, based on what I have learned from the psychologists, as he is responsive to texts (except when he's napping) and he does not decline social plans wither with me or friends.

In fact, he made plans to go cycling last Saturday evening with friends, but it was unfortunately cancelled as his friend fell ill.

For those who may notice that their bed rotting is starting to become excessive, Dr Chow said that as with kicking any habit, it is helpful to start by setting small, achievable goals.

For example, a habitual bed rotter might try to cut their bed rotting duration by just five minutes each day to start.

They could then gradually decrease the amount of time they spend bed rotting until they get it to a healthier level.

And on the weekends, they could plan meaningful activities with people they want to spend time with, such as exercise or gatherings with friends and family, she said.

As for myself, Ms Goh told me that it could be helpful to talk to my husband openly about the negative impacts of bed rotting that I am concerned about, such as his increased social isolation and decreased physical activity.

Similarly, Ms Haanusia told me to check in on his feelings and find out what is prompting his bed rotting.

"If he is burnt out or very stressed, providing him the space to talk about his feelings can help him feel less alone.

"You can also invite him to engage in easy and simple meaningful activities with you outside, such as taking a walk in the park, watching a movie, or just going out for a quiet dinner together."

Based on what I have learnt about bed rotting, I see that moderation is key, as with all things in life.

Given how stressful my husband's job can be, I agree that he deserves some slothful time at home, if that is what it takes for him to continue feeling motivated at work.

But I do have my worries about the long-term impact on his physical and mental health.

Taking the psychologists' advice, I am going to start with small steps: This coming weekend, I will ask him to join me at the gym and suggest we dine out at a nice restaurant instead of ordering in.