"How do you cope?" -- Singaporean parent struggling with childcare ask for advice from other parents - Singapore News

Source: The Independent
Author: Beatrice Del Rosario

SINGAPORE: A working parent took to an online forum on Monday (April 8) to ask other Singaporeans for advice on coping with juggling parenthood and work without a support system.

"No helper. Kids are in primary school and come home after school ends and spend the day at home. Sick days and school holidays are no issue as well as I'm always at home. It's been a tiring but fulfilling journey so far," the parent wrote.

"I've been the sole/main caregiver for my kids since they were born while working FT," she added. "Spouse is working in the office full time."

Previously, when their children were younger, they ran a home-based business. Now, however, their job is fully remote. "Parents on both sides are out of the picture," the post read.

However, a job offer with a more than 30 per cent increment and an "interesting scope" has changed the playing field, as it requires being physically at the office four days a week.

"I am reluctant to get a helper as we have tried that and ended up with a string of helpers with disciplinary issues," the parent shared.

"Kids have expressed their preference not to go to after-school student care as well, complaining that they are already at school the whole day and don't want to go to another school after school.

They just want to come home and rest. I'm also struggling with the guilt of putting my own wants above what has been working well for kids.

However, the youngest is already P3 and I wonder if I'm being overprotective as well.

I grew up with both parents at work all day and no one at home, always felt lonely growing up, thus maybe I'm overcompensating and not sure what is a healthy level of independence versus what would feel like neglect.

The last thing I want is for my children to feel abandoned and not my top priority, like how I once felt."

The parent then turned to Singaporeans for advice on finding "quality childcare" for school days and how to deal with public holidays and times when their kids are sick.

Several commenters said that the writer's P3 child is old enough to be left home alone.

"P3 is old enough to be home alone. (They) can operate the microwave to warm up their lunch. Fix a camera at home so you can 'keep' an eye on them while you are at work.

Of course-you must be upfront with your kids about this camera. Make sure they know it's for their safety.

I just wanted to say you're such a great parent to be thinking so much about your kids and worrying about what they'll do," said another. I wish my parents cared half as much when I was a kid.

I would say not to worry so much and go for the job offer. The youngest is old enough to be at home alone! Instead of after-school care, what about signing them up for classes? Like coding, art, music or sports?

That's what my parents did so they didn't have to worry about me. At 9, I was just at home watching TV, at tuition or out playing with the neighbour's kids.

If you still aren't really comfortable, I suggest you install cameras at home to check on them and see what your kids are doing from time to time.

I'm not a parent but I understand your concerns, and they are 100 per cent valid. you're doing a great job as a parent and caregiver."

Others shared messages of support for the parent.

"I feel like your dilemma is more of a sentimental/emotional problem rather than a logistical problem," said one.

"You want to spend time with your kids...like it's something you feel that you have to do as a parent. I can't imagine any reasonable person recommending you to choose money over that.

There's no point in having more money if you don't get to live your life the way you want to, and there's no point in your children having parents who make more money if they have to be brought up feeling neglected.

Honestly, I don't get why so many workplaces are so obsessed with working in an office when all the same tasks can be just as easily accomplished from home.

I wouldn't give in to that kind of pressure from companies if I had the choice. I wouldn't mind a small pay cut either, since that frees me up to do so much more with my life, and that's doubly true for you since you have children.